Why Doing Less Might Actually Be Living More

What is your definition of comfort? Of convenience? Of luxury? If you had asked me this two weeks ago, my answer would have probably been something like “Being able to connect with anyone instantly on WhatsApp – now that’s convenience,” or, “Staying at the Ritz Carlton – that’s luxury.” But then I came across a quote that completely shook my perspective.

And then it all made sense. For the majority of us, convenience and comfort are equated with speed: travelling from Mumbai to Delhi in hours, getting groceries in 10 minutes, sending texts across countries in seconds – while luxury gets defined by possessions: a 4-BHK high-rise on Worli Seaface or a BMW iX with a 1 crore+ price tag.

Every one of us is aspiring to have a “comfortable life” or a “luxurious life” with these definitions. And as a result? Mounting pressure at work (because everyone wants deliverables done “as of yesterday”), a constant urge to be faster and more efficient, and a deliberate disregard for rest and health – all in the name of chasing more.

Thinking clearly

We’ve all heard the now-infamous (and almost cliched) line – that the average human attention span is lower than that of a goldfish. And it is only getting worse. We’ve not only lost the ability to focus for more than a few seconds – we’ve lost the patience to even try.

Many of us live our days on autopilot, especially when we fall into a routine. We do things without asking why we’re doing them or how we could make our day better – for ourselves or for those around us. We are always in an urge to do something to appear busy or to track “visible” progress, that we hardly have time to invest in deep thought. And of course, if we spend so much of our brainpower on switching between things, we rarely pause to think deeply about anything at all. No wonder we’re mentally exhausted even when we haven’t “done” much.

Sleeping deeply

Back in my consulting days – and even during IIT – getting by on minimal sleep was a badge of honour. And I know it still is. Among overworked employees, students, and night owls, sacrificing sleep for productivity, a football match, or a deadline is often seen as “commitment”.

There are numerous articles about how we’ve ruined our sleep cycles, how work schedules should be flexible enough to accommodate everyone’s chronotype, etc., so I will not go into those. But my point is that we’ve lost the ability to sleep and wake up naturally. When we sleep is defined by our schedule and deadlines, and not by when our body needs rest. When we wake up depends on our office hours, meetings, and gym sessions, and not when we feel truly rested.

Sleep was and is a basic necessity, but for most of us, it’s something we do in the “leftover” time of the day once all our other commitments have been catered to.

Moving slowly

In any city, and especially a place like Mumbai, nothing is slow. Even the “slow” local stops for all of 15 seconds at every station. We are always in a rush to finish things – not because everything we do is urgent, but because we are conditioned to think we should always be doing more. More deliverables, more chores, more meetings…

A Goregaon (“GO”) slow train reminding me to take it easy on a Sunday

Even leisure activities are now goal-oriented – more countries to visit, more tourist spots to cover, more books to read, more movies to watch… That quiet pressure, often fuelled by FOMO, creates a kind of invisible disappointment – not because we didn’t enjoy what we did, but because we’re constantly aware of what we could have done instead.

In the pursuit of ticking more things off the (never-ending) to-do lists and bucket lists, we lose out on actually living in the present and enjoying those very experiences.

Living quietly

When was the last time you had a quiet moment to yourself with no noise? And I don’t mean just the honking of horns or the cacophony of construction equipment. I also mean without any notifications incessantly ringing, be it Instagram posts, news, WhatsApp messages, or that one app you’ve been meaning to uninstall but never did. Probably when you sleep? Or perhaps not even then.

It has become a fad to say that someone needs “me time” – but what is that anyway? It could mean having some time to focus on that hobby, or some time to try out a new skill, or perhaps just some time to be with your thoughts. We are bombarded with so much noise today that we have hardly any time to introspect or focus on ourselves – there is always something fighting for your attention (as I write this, my phone is on silent, but there is still that urge to check how many messages I’ve received).

How bad is it, really?

All these are interlinked. You are unable to focus because your phone is constantly buzzing. You lose sleep chasing unreasonable expectations to get that bonus pay cheque. Consequently, your tired mind and body cannot focus during the day, so you gulp two cups of coffee (ordered on Snacc or Bistro) to jolt yourself awake. You don’t want to devote time to “tedious” tasks like grocery shopping so you whip out Zepto. You want to reward yourself with a vacation to relax, but even then, you find yourself preparing a packed itinerary to make the most out of every day. You crave peace but don’t get any, amidst clickbait news articles and cat videos, amidst traffic and construction.

So…what can we do?

Our core way of life, especially in big cities, has been permanently altered – shaped by social media, quick commerce, and now, AI. And I think we simply cannot adjust to a drastically different lifestyle. I’m sure I’m not the only one who, after a particularly difficult day at work or period of stress, dreams of shutting shop tomorrow, packing up all I’ve got, and moving to the mountains. But we are so immersed in the comforts and conveniences of city life that starting a new life away from deadlines, alarms, and hustle sounds idyllic, but it remains a dream and not a plan.

Of course, people find different ways of hitting pause. For some, it is a 10k run every morning. For some, it’s taking a two-week break in Europe. For others, it’s reading a good book before going to bed… or in my case, going on treks to be surrounded by nature. But all these are still “breaks”. As I wrote in my previous blog post, sometimes, these pauses – the trips, the runs, the treks – are best experienced only as breaks. They are resets, not lifestyles.

The kind of trips I consider escapes; but will I enjoy these as lifestyles?

We can’t undo the pace of the world around us – not entirely. But perhaps we can reclaim small pieces of stillness, of slowness, of silence. I’ve been encouraged to try out meditation by several folks, starting with my dad, though it is only in the last few months that I’ve started practising it actively, although I can’t say I am consistent about it. Even in its inconsistency, it is showing early signs of helping. Shutting out the world for a while, even briefly, has made it easier to think clearly, sleep better, and actually appreciate the silence.

Maybe we’ll realise that doing fewer things but doing them patiently, wholeheartedly, and with focus will help us actually achieve more versus just ticking things off a list.

In a world that’s racing ahead, true luxury is simply the courage to slow down.

From Pay Cheques to Passions: Rethinking What Defines Us

What truly defines your identity? Is it your wealth? The respect you command from friends and society? Your ethics and integrity? Or do you predominantly tie it to your profession, believing that the more prestigious your job, the more valuable you are? Chances are, it’s the latter. The common reasoning is that since we spend most of our waking hours working, it’s only natural that “what we do defines who we are.”

Except… I believe many of us overemphasize our self-worth based on our jobs. So, what is a job really – or more specifically, a “day job”? Is it merely a source of income? A reason to get out of bed every morning? Or is it simply that 10-hour block that provides financial stability, allowing people to pursue what they genuinely enjoy in the remaining 14 hours?

Admittedly a very dystopian start to the article, but Fight Club did nail this line

This comic below (that came as a WA forward!) was what really hit me – our language subtly implies that we live to work. Yet, our time and energy are spread across numerous activities, with our day job being just one of them. Think about introductions: “What do you do?” is almost always among the first questions asked. Why is our profession given such weight? Why do we, ourselves, prioritize it so much?

The framework

The consultant in me loves a good 2×2 matrix. So, here’s how I categorize the various activities we engage in. The x-axis measures how much an activity pays: ranging from unpaid endeavours to highly lucrative ones. The y-axis gauges how much you enjoy the activity: from passionate engagement to reluctant obligation.

The coveted top-right quadrant is where passion meets profit – you love your job, and it compensates you handsomely. In this space, the lines between work and personal life blur because your work genuinely excites you and becomes part of who you are. If you are here, chances are you don’t mind working on Sundays, don’t mind taking calls at 11 PM, and understand why a vacation must be sacrificed to cater to work. In this scenario, it’s natural for your identity to intertwine with your profession.

However, I suspect most of us reside in the bottom-right quadrant – well-paid but not particularly passionate about our jobs. Some people hate their job (the extreme bottom); for others, the job is not unbearable, but it’s far from what one would call the “dream job.” People in this quadrant are confused about what career they want to pursue, and where to invest time in. There is a disconnect between what you have to do (your day job where you spend most of your time and energy that also pays your bills) and what you want to do. Your work is what takes up time, but it is not a reflection of who you truly are.

The top-left consists of activities you love but that don’t pay much – or at all. Sound familiar? These are your hobbies, or if you make some money off them, your “side hustles.”

The bottom-left? That’s reserved for tasks that are neither enjoyable nor profitable – the chores of life. Few of us, thankfully, have jobs that fall here.

Now, again, if your job is in the top right, you are in a good place. But…

What if you haven’t found your dream job?

I think we can all agree that the bottom left is where no one wants to be, and I don’t think the readers of this post are likely to have jobs that fall in that quadrant. The interesting quadrants are the bottom right and top left.

So let’s start with the bottom right. From here, how do you ascend to the top-right? I see three pathways:

  1. Cultivate enjoyment in your current role. Over time, familiarity and mastery could foster passion.
  2. Switch to a different high-paying job that aligns with your interests. This is rare and often requires a blend of strategy and luck.
  3. Shift first to the top-left – pursue something you love, even if it doesn’t pay well, and then find a way to monetize it. This path is risky and uncertain but arguably the most fulfilling.

Let’s talk about option (3) – essentially what it means is that you transition from your day job to trying out stuff that you like doing but don’t pay well, and then, find out that one “passion” you can also monetize – evidently not a linear path. I feel this pathway is what drives people to slog in their 20s and 30s, and earn enough, so that they can afford to quit their jobs and go to the top left. With enough savings, one can either comfortably stay in the top left – enjoying life without income stress- or experiment until they reach the top right.

The alluring top left quadrant

There’s something about the top left that makes it undeniably attractive. Imagine just playing football all day, or doing the crossword, or going on treks, or whatever you think are your “hobbies”. And for the sake of argument, let’s say income is not an issue – you have enough for basic sustenance and to live a fairly comfortable life. Is this sustainable? (I remember a typical “HR” question when preparing for my campus interviews – “If you earn ten crores from a lottery today, will you still show up to work tomorrow?” Of course, the only acceptable answer back then was, “Of course, I would show up!“)

I’d argue some people seem to think so – the proponents of the “FIRE” principle (Financial IndependenceRetire Early). I’m all for devising investment and budgeting strategies for the “financial independence” part, but what do people intend to do if they retire early? If people really love what they are doing, why should they retire? Early retirement seems to be something you do when you are “tolerating” clocking in the hours and just can’t wait to say “F*** you” to your boss and leave because you know you’ve earned enough cash.

Now the other category of people who transition from the bottom right to the top left have a different reason – they have a fair sense of what they want to do, but they also want a financial cushion to be able to start afresh and experiment. These are the people who have a “passion” and not just “hobbies”. These are the people who have the skills and the motivation and drive to pursue something, but what they lack is money. The below video clip summarises it very well – as Ryan asks, “How much did they pay you to give up on your dreams?”

Want to become an author? Sure, but that’s a career track with a very low success rate and heavily influenced by survivorship bias. Your first novel could be a bestseller or you could write six that go nowhere before deciding to pursue something else. Want to start your own venture to solve a “deep consumer problem”? Okay but what if it fails? Do you have enough reserves to start again after that?

What’s the problem with this approach? It’s that while some people are very clear about what they want to pursue, others want to experiment. And in the process, realise that some activities are best left as hobbies and not full-time jobs. Sure, as someone working in a desk job 60 hours a week, a monsoon trek is a good break from routine and an enabler to connect with nature. But doing that as a full-time job? Is that really enjoyable, or will I miss the corporate salaries and the flights and the perks and the suits?

Now you can argue that the ideal path for anyone is to identify the passion and start doing that straight out of college (or even earlier! Who needs a degree when you are doing what drives you?). But very few of us have that risk appetite. I believe most of us choose the bottom right for a stable income, to seek comfort in a trodden path. The question is: if you are in the bottom right, at what point do you take the plunge and go to the top left? At what point do you “follow your dreams”?

A quote from “Up in the Air” (Source: IMDb)

Thoughts?

This is an evolving framework/thought process in my head. It is something that has been on my mind in bits and pieces for several months now until I took out a pen and paper and drew out the 2X2. There is no right answer as to what the ideal job is, nor is there a universally correct answer to how one’s career path should be, and definitely no right answer for what should define one’s identity. But aren’t people all much more than their jobs?

These are simply my reflections, perhaps a starting point for you to ponder your own journey. As I try to figure out my own journey, I’d love to hear your thoughts, stories, or even challenges to this perspective. Feel free to share your insights; they might help refine this framework or inspire future musings.

So, how was your weekend?

“I had a house party with some colleagues who had come over! I don’t remember anything that happened on Saturday night!”

“I drove down to Lonavala and spent the weekend there – it was amazing!”

“I flew to Kerala to attend a wedding; it was great to catch up with so many college friends.”

“Oh I… didn’t do much; just relaxed at home.”

It’s the Monday morning stand-up at work, which means you have to deal with the inevitable conversation starter, “So, how was your weekend? What did you do?” Of course, if you have done something memorable, you are just waiting for this question because you have an answer ready (perhaps you even rehearsed it). On the other hand, if you didn’t make plans (or worse, if your plans got cancelled), then this is the time when you (awkwardly) have to admit that your weekend went by faster than you could say “Saturday”.

One of many “expectation vs reality” memes; but what are the expectations in the first place?

I recently listened to this podcast from The Ken – episode 6 of their “Cost to Company” series titled What Does Gen Z Really Want From The Office? The host interviews a few Gen Z-ers to understand what they miss about the office, what they expect from the new rules around hybrid mode, the flexibility of the home environment vs the necessity for connectedness, etc. There is a discussion about the concept of what to do on weekends (around 7:45) – and I could relate to it completely.

Over the last year, the majority of the workforce has had to return to the office, and a significant chunk of that demographic (myself included) has had to relocate to a new city – leaving behind the many comforts of home. This is where the difference seems to lie – when you are in your home city, living with parents/family, then most of your weekend goes in spending time with them. But if you are living in a new city, there is an (inexplicable) urge to get out of the house on weekends.

On top of this, when you exhaust yourself completely pulling in 60-70 hours during the week, the weekend is there to remind you that you have a life outside of work as well (why for some of us “work” feels like a chore that we just want to get done with from Monday to Friday is a topic for a future blog post). Making “plans” for weekends gives you something to look forward to – be it meeting friends, going for a trek, or watching a newly released movie. Unfortunately, it feels like if we do not utilise this (much-needed) break to the fullest, the weekend is “wasted”.

Friday night Google searches

My college in Chennai was a mere 5 kilometres away from home, which means that although I had a hostel room, every Friday evening I would go back home to spend the weekend there. Throughout the four years, I’ve never been part of weekend road trips, getaways, or parties, and… I never felt like I missed out on anything. But now, the same activities that kept me happy earlier seem… insufficient.

If you are a strong introvert, you probably are looking forward to a weekend of “me time”; your “plans” would be to just curl up on the bed, read a good book, or binge-watch the latest series online. Normally, I would see myself doing something similar, but something seems to have changed since my relocation. Is it because others always seem to have something exciting going on but not me? Is it the delayed aftereffect of having been inside the house during all those lockdown months? Or… am I having too much “me time” that I need to have social interactions to get a sense of community and belonging in a new city?

My guide for exploring Mumbai – a very creative Dunzo ad that came in the newspaper that I cut out and put up in my room; not all ticks are visible but last I checked, I would have done around 40 of these activities

I think it comes down to doing something new during the two-day break you get; activities like singing, going for a run, and watching TV are things that “can be done any time” without really putting in the effort to plan for it. And I’ve heard bipolar opinions on (catching up on) sleep – everything from claiming it’s the best way to relax after a tiring week, to feeling guilty for not doing something more productive on a weekend. But going on a trek or going for a team dinner or even wandering a new city on your own gives that extra dopamine spike because a) your efforts of planning paid off b) you have done something that’s not routine c) you have figured/learnt something that you didn’t know before.

So what is the best way to spend your weekend? Do you constantly come up with plans just to appear productive during the weekend? Or is there a way to tune your mind into finding pleasures in simple yet stimulating activities that you can do from within the house? Or do you find a sweet spot that gives the best of both? I’m also thinking the same as I check with a few friends if they are free for dinner on Saturday. If that doesn’t work out, there is always Plan B – I know just the song that I should learn to play on the keyboard. Or who knows – there is always the element of spontaneity!

An alternative perspective – something that I came across coincidentally as I was writing this post

Me, Myself, and 2020

The end of 2020 is near, and by the looks of it, a good chunk of 2021 will continue to progress with the coronavirus still around. Some of us enter 2021 as optimists, hoping for mass vaccination within a couple of months, while pessimists (and probably realists) brace for further lockdowns, virtual sessions, and whatnot. While 2020 has been a roller coaster in every possible way, I’m fairly confident that there is a significant proportion of the population that has found many aspects of this new lifestyle as a welcome change.

When it comes to the COVID-era lifestyle, I think the most disappointed people are the ones who were/are hoping to go back to the “old” normal, whereas the “new” normal is what we should have all shifted to by now. Those for whom parties, groups, vacations, travel were commonplace are longing to go back to the good old days, while those – like myself – who wanted longer periods of solitude, “me time”, and extra time with Netflix or a good book instead of a pub consider the lockdowns a blessing in disguise.

For a long time, I was under the impression that introversion is a negative quality; people look for social skills, leadership abilities, team spirit, etc., all of which were, by default, assumed to be the qualities of an extrovert. The nature of my current job – which everyone considers a “people’s job” – is also something that I was a tad nervous about, thinking that I had to change my way of life to go with the flow. The virtual induction, then, was in my favour, because my mingling with others would be more gradual, more focused on one-on-one interactions than group chatter, where I end up just listening (mostly by choice).

The other thing that made me feel a lot better about myself was this gem of a book by Susan Cain: Quiet. To those of you who aren’t familiar (or need a refresher), the tagline of the book is The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking. In the book, you find case studies and examples of introverted leaders, introvert-extrovert couples, and many more, with the underlying message (and proofs) that being an introvert is nothing to be ashamed of, and in fact, can be quite beneficial irrespective of your career path or personal activities. Introversion is not something that needs to be “cured”.

“Introverts may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. They prefer to devote their social energies to close friends, colleagues, and family. They listen more than they talk, think before they speak, and often feel as if they express themselves better in writing than in conversation. They tend to dislike conflict. Many have a horror of small talk, but enjoy deep discussions.”

Susan Cain, Quiet

I’ve been called an “anti-party” person enough times that it’s no longer an “insult”, although that was my impression for quite a while. I’ve learnt and experienced that friendships that thrive through one-to-one interactions are as strong as, if not stronger, than what you get by hanging out in a group. Sure, I won’t have crazy pictures to post on Instagram or birthday collages (well, in my case, only a handful of people even remember my birthday after I took it off Facebook and LinkedIn), but what if you don’t need to share life events publicly in the first place? In the words of Nassim Taleb, missing a train is only painful if you run after it.

Taking myself off social media has been another good outcome of 2020 for the same reason – an act that forced me to go from FOMO to JOMO (“joy of missing out”), the term that is becoming increasingly popular. Not only has the de-addiction given me more time, but has also given me a greater peace of mind with all the noise cut out. [1]

Yes, the current situation is not ideal in many ways with respect to human relationships, but only if you compare it to what once was. When you know you can only control certain factors, the best way to adjust to the new normal is to first accept it. I’m not denying that there are cons in the new normal, but the old normal wasn’t utopia for sure. The COVID impact has been a welcome change for most introverts, while extroverts are taking steps to compensate for all the time they had been cooped up at home. When things actually go back to how they were in 2019, if that happens, it could be time for introverts to change gears again.

Footnotes:

[1] I’ve spent most of this time on reading a plethora of books about various topics, including the very topic of social media addiction. A lot of you would have seen The Social Dilemma, following which you either became paranoid enough to remove your social media accounts as well, or simply brushed aside what the documentary had to offer. If you are more into books, I would suggest reading Weapons of Math Destruction, by Cathy O’Neil, which talks about the dark side of big data and artificial intelligence in general, one application of which is in social media. 

“I’m patient” vs “Impatient”

The curse of our generation – and every generation which follows, if any – is the obsession with instant gratification. We want something, and we want it as soon as possible. We have gone from “The end justifies the means” to “What means? Just skip to the end!” Everyone wants only the final result and in many situations, the efforts are rendered useless if the final requirement isn’t met. What does this do? It tempts (or even forces) people to look for shortcuts and quick fixes to every problem – something that makes it appear as if they did the job when all they did was patchwork. 


Kashtapadaama edhuvum kidaikaadhu. Kashtapadaama kedachathu ennikum nilaikaadhu.

– Annamalai (“Annamalai”, 1992)

The above quote is one of “Superstar” Rajinikanth’s countless punch lines – and this one actually makes a lot of sense. It translates to, “You’ll gain nothing without hard work. If you do, it won’t last for long.” Hundreds of people quote this and use this as captions for their profile pictures. Ask them if they apply this to their own lives and most of them go, “Uhh…”

One of the major reasons – if not the most influential one – that necessitates such shortcuts is procrastination. A quick fix is what you do when you have only one day left to finish something that needs a week to finish, because your mind goes, “Yeah, I’ll have enough time,” instead of, “I have time now; let me get started.” For an entertaining talk on procrastination, watch this. As Tim Urban says, we all have a rational decision-maker inside our heads and the notorious “instant-gratification monkey”. 

One thing I firmly believe is that punishments will push you further than rewards (or “reinforcements”) ever will. It is not the healthiest strategy to follow, but it has a sure-shot chance of getting things done. It can be applied at work or at home. “If you don’t clean your room, you will not get dinner,” will have a better effect in getting your sibling or child to do the chore rather than, “If you clean the room, you can go to a movie.” At work, knowing that you could be sacked if you don’t do your job pushes you more than knowing that you may be rewarded or promoted if you work properly. 

While the intention behind deadlines is – with good intention – to get a job done on time, there is no bar set for quality. The guy who stays up all night to submit a shoddy report on time will heave a sigh of relief, being proud of this “feat” but he will never understand that it was wrong to procrastinate in the first place. The reason? The quality of his work is “good enough” for him. That’s where the difference comes in: do you want to be good or good enough?

For each of us, there are different areas we want to excel in and some areas where we just want to get by (chalta hai attitude, as it is otherwise known). We put in the required effort (or at least try to) in the former category, while we look for easier alternatives in the latter category. A guy who is genuinely interested in a particular class will be studious, attempt all the assignments, and sometimes even do some reading and exploring beyond what he is expected to learn. If one just wants to get the course over with, he will pull an all-nighter before the exam and get half the answers from the person sitting next to him and consider the problem solved. 

While this attitude towards problems isn’t something I like, I think it is inevitable that this is how people will think. The people who have a problem are the ones who think that everything in life does have a quick fix. What’s their motivation? One, it is easy. Two, it seems to work best when others are ignorant or gullible. These are the people whose priority is to look for loopholes.

To those of you who still think: “Yeah, but it is going to take me forever to learn something and be good at it,” especially if you are familiar with the “10000-hour rule”, here’s something that will motivate you – this talk by Josh Kaufman. His research claims that you can be “reasonably good” at practically anything, with 20 hours of committed practice – that’s 40 minutes every day for a month. Completely doable.


A woman approached Picasso in a restaurant, asked him to scribble something on a napkin, and said she would be happy to pay whatever he felt it was worth. Picasso complied and then said, “That will be $10,000.”
“But you did that in thirty seconds,” the astonished woman replied.
“No,” Picasso said. “It has taken me forty years to do that.”

You may not be a Picasso with 20 hours of practice, but you don’t have to be a Picasso. Assuming what Kaufman said is true (or even consider 30 hours) why don’t people do it? Because there always exists an easier way out. And only when that easy method fails – which will happen – do people even start to think of plan B’s, when in fact, their plan B’s should have been plan A’s. People don’t take the long route because, as I said earlier, only the results seem to be valued, and not the effort. 

The other fundamental flaw is that in today’s world, speed is given priority over quality. Despite all the clichéd stuff you have heard about how “nothing comes easy”, people, in general, are becoming increasingly impatient to get results. They have resorted to, “Do whatever you can in 2 days” when ideally, it should be, “Take however long you want to solve the problem properly.” At the current pace at which things are developing, no one can afford to say the second statement. 

Sal Khan of Khan Academy addresses a similar issue with education in his TED talk. When you set deadlines based on time and not the result, people will have no choice but to find a substandard way to arrive at the solution.  The end goal has to be set right in the first place. Is your goal to learn something from a course or to crack the exam? Is your goal to learn to play the keyboard properly or just learn one song for an event and never practise again?

The problem today is not just with the people, but with the system. Only when people are given the incentive to put in committed efforts – irrespective of the final result – and when people focus on doing things with the intent of gaining some knowledge, academic or otherwise – and not to get something over with – will people learn to appreciate whatever they do, and do it well.